A Pocket Guide to Wedding Guest Etiquette
It’s wedding season! If you’re anything like me, your fridge feels like it’s plastered in couples’ invitations around this time of year. With those invitations come RSVPs, choosing an outfit, gift shopping, and attending the big day itself. It’s a lot to manage, especially for such an important day in the lives of your loved ones. If you’re questioning the proper way to navigate all the details, don’t panic! We’ve got you covered!
Photo credits: Kenzie Banks, Ivory + Fern
RSVP
When should I respond?
As soon as you know whether or not you can make it! Having your answer will help the couple plan everything from how much food to how many tables they need at the wedding. The sooner they have that info, the better - but definitely make sure you give them your answer before the deadline they’ve listed on the invite.
Who can I bring?
Your invitation should give that information. Usually, the envelope will be addressed to all the invitees. That could be Ms. Jane Smith and Guest, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, or Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Jack & Jill. If the envelope isn’t very specific, wedding websites make it even clearer. Most couples will have you RSVP online and the website should prompt you to accept or decline for each guest.
If the wedding is child-free, your kids won’t be listed as guests. Couples should also make a point to let you know if they want only adults at their wedding. Be sure to honor that wish if you see it - remember, it always comes down to the couple’s wishes for their big day.
If you’re rocking the singles table and the couple gives you a plus one option, be courteous to them about whether you want to use it. If you have someone important to bring, for sure accept that plus one! If the couple has a more-the-merrier stance to their celebration, grab a friend and make it a party. But if the couple wants an intimate ceremony with the people they have specifically chosen and you don’t have anyone you’re dying to bring, maybe find friends or family who will already be there to go with.
Photo credits: Courtney Trapp Photography, Michael Liedtke
Before the Event
What should I wear?
The number one rule is, of course, don’t wear white as a guest. Unless the bride requests it, that color is hers for the day. If you’re questioning whether a dress is too white, best to steer clear.
Wedding dress codes can vary quite a bit couple to couple. We have a lot of ground to cover in this article, so here is another helpful resource for figuring out what dress code expectations actually mean.
What to wear is another piece of info you should be able to get from the invitation or the wedding website. If neither place clearly states what the couple is expecting, you can use the design of the invitation as a clue. If it came in a thick envelope with a wax seal and multiple pieces of stationary, that’s probably a good sign you’re going to want to dress formally. If the invitation is simpler and more casual, there’s a good chance the wedding day will be too. And before you panic about deciphering clues, remember that you know the couple. What are they like as people? Their wedding will probably reflect their personalities, so dress accordingly.
When in doubt, be overdressed rather than underdressed. Weddings are deeply important occasions and the way you arrive helps show the couple it’s important to you too.
What’s a good gift? And how much should I spend on it?
The registry is always the best place to start. The couple made a registry in the first place because they want that stuff. I get it, sticking to the registry can feel like you’re not giving the couple something from you. If you want to go rogue, try combining a gift from the registry with one you found yourself. For example, if the couple wants a classy set of wine glasses, you could buy the glasses and a gift card to a local wine shop for a newlywed date night.
As far as the appropriate amount to spend on a wedding gift, there’s not a one-size-fits-all answer. Weddings are expensive to plan and host. The couple and their families have more than likely spent a pretty penny to bring this day to life. It’s good to honor them and honor the official beginning of the couple’s lives together. A gift is just one way of doing that. Think of it as an investment in the couple’s future as they take it into their married life. If you can’t afford a big gift, that’s just fine. Don’t break the bank. And if you have the ability to help with some of those bigger items on the registry, the couple will appreciate that too.
Photo credits: Corey Gross, Salt & Light
At the Wedding
When should I arrive?
Typically, you will want to arrive 15-30 minutes before the ceremony. This gives you time to park, drop off your gift, sign the guest book, and find your seat without trying to sneak in late. You will definitely want to be seated five minutes before the ceremony starts so you are ready to go before the family and wedding party enter.
When should I talk to the couple?
It can feel hard to get to the bride and groom on their wedding day because everyone there wants to talk to them. Usually, there will be a dedicated time for the couple to greet all the guests. Some couples have a receiving line as you leave the ceremony, others stop by each of the tables to say hello. If they don’t have time built into their day or if you want more time to chat, just be mindful that the couple is the reason everyone is there. Be courteous. Don’t monopolize their time. Make a point to enjoy the party with them and for them.
How hard should I party?
Chances are, if you’re invited to a wedding, you probably know the couple pretty well. They will set the tone for the day. If you know they are party animals, keep that dance floor packed. If they are more laid back, pace yourself a bit. Feel out the room and, no matter what the vibe is, remember it is the newlyweds’ big day. Celebrate them in their spotlight, and make sure that spotlight stays on them.
Photo credits: Prairie and Wild, MW Images
Is it okay to post photos with the newlyweds?
People have different takes on this, but it’s a good rule of thumb to wait until after the couple has posted photos to share yours with them in it. At least give it until the day after the wedding so the couple isn’t thinking about the photos they are tagged in while they are in the middle of their party. In the age of social media, most people end up sharing phone photos of themselves pretty quickly after the wedding, but it’s still a good idea to let them breathe and have their moment.
What’s the best way to make my exit at the end of the night?
Thank the bride and groom for asking you to be part of your celebration and use it as a chance to congratulate them again. If the couple has a grand exit, it’s great to stay until after they leave if you are able. If you are still raring to go after the wedding is done, take the party to a local bar or someone’s home when the music is done. Most venues require the couple to be out of the building by a certain time, so it’s respectful of both the couple and the venue to honor that.
Photo credits: Jamie Van Klay, Sydney Leigh + Rhody Ray
We could talk about the ins and outs of wedding etiquette all day long, but hopefully this is a good overview if you need a quick reference. At the root of all of it is to make sure you help the couple feel loved and celebrated as they step into a new chapter. If you can do that, you’re probably sitting pretty well.
xoxo, Rebecca
